The noise was awful. I had to turn around and drive it home. Why now? We can’t afford a car repair right now and I spent a good couple of days angry about my dumb van…

It wasn’t as easy as I maybe expected to process through everything after coming back from Ecuador. I thought that I would blog about all the things I saw and did on the trip, but I just haven’t exactly been able to.

A friend of mine called me out one day and said some things about the way my tone and attitude was with my children, and while it was very difficult for me to hear, it was true. I was angry. I was struggling with their ungratefulness after having just seen children weep joyously over mattresses and tin cups, and knowing that my kids complain if they don’t get the right colored cup to drink from. It was a difficult transition for me.

But it has also been so wonderful. And so eye opening. And God continues to use my experience there to refine me.

When we first got back I was ready to sell everything. We live in abundance and yet struggle to live joyously. I wish that my heart could have stayed in that place forever…

It was last Friday that my van started having some trouble. By Sunday (He) and I had already argued over the darn thing, we were stressed about it and I couldn’t understand why this inconvenience was happening. As I sat there in church on Sunday morning I asked Him why? I pleaded and told God that I “needed” my van.

How soon my heart can forget.

The Lord replied to me “I thought you were willing to sell everything.”