The deep well of shame


Shame dies when it is exposed to the light

Shame is a familiar feeling to a survivor of sexual assault, but shame is a people problem not just a survivor problem.  Shame says at my core there is something wrong with me, I’m worthless, and have no value. Shame is an emotional flare about your worthiness. In the heart of every human being is a longing for intimacy, belonging, and acceptance. Shame tries to tell you that you will never have the acceptance that your heart longs for. This creates unnecessary pain in your heart.

I had an amazing encounter with the power of God’s love this week. I now realise at the core of that encounter was to set me free from shame. I was carrying this huge heavy bag of shame over myself and I didn’t even know. I felt like the abuse I endured was too bad, too horrible, and too shameful for anyone to understand. I felt like if people really knew what I have been through then they would no longer love me.  I felt like I was carrying a deep dark secret, even though I’ve shared my story and it is not a secret; I still felt like it was. That’s when I realised telling my story isn’t enough, I needed to be released of the shame attached to it. The bag I carried everywhere I went, the bag that said “you’re not good enough no matter what you do because bad things happened to you and not even God thought you were important enough to save from the abuse”. Slap in the face. I can’t believe I believe that lie, I not only believe it but I packed it in my bag strapped it on my back and let it suffocate me.

Shame is a liar. The lies are believable when you’re broken and when you’ve had a significant person in your life speak it over you. The beautiful thing about God is he has an antidote to shame; an unconditional, everlasting, all accepting love for us no matter what we do. Shame laughs at us for making a mistake, Papa says “it’s OK, give it another go, I believe in you”. That day I let go of the lie that God didn’t think I was good enough to save. He sent His only son to die for me, to save me, I’m already saved. God gave us free will and unfortunately that means He’s not in control of others actions but He’s in charge of the universe and He gets to decide what happens to the sins of the abusers. He has the ability to turn what the enemy wanted for evil into something breathtaking.

What lie is shame feeding into your heart? Ask the Holy Spirit for the truth and never allow yourself to believe the lies again, declare the truth over yourself. You are a daughter of a great Papa, that’s the truth; don’t let shame tell you otherwise.

After over a year of healing I finally put down the bag of shame and picked up my crown instead.

Much love,

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2 Responses to “The deep well of shame

  • julie porter
    1 year ago

    Your story speaks very deeply to me. I am not a victim of sexual abuse, however I grew up with a very emotionally and verbally abusive father. I spent many years trying to please him, to make him proud of me. Deep down, I have always felt “not good enough”. It took me many years as an adult to finally see that no matter what I did, I could never be good enough for him and to remove my parents from my life. However that shame and feeling of not being “good enough” occasionally rears it’s ugly head. It really is a deep well.

    Thank you for sharing your story!

    • Melanie
      1 year ago

      Thank you Julie for sharing your story with us. I know the feeling of not feeling good enough and it is a journey to overcome it.

      Much Love,
      Mel xx

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